Sunday, May 8, 2011

Crazy Neighbor Edition: The Pink Bandit

I've mentioned in a previous blog post that we've got a weird neighbor situation happening over here. I'll preface this by saying I wouldn't even consider blogging about this topic except that I know absolutely no one in my neighborhood.

Here goes: On one-side we have a neighbor, an older woman that lives alone. She's a bit of a nosey neighbor and has made a point to let us know that she knows EVERYTHING going on in the neighborhood. This includes things like one neighbors' parents coming to visit (apparently she approached them thinking they were breaking in) and another neighbor's divorce. While she does like to make under-handed comments about the state of our yard, she's pretty harmless. The real issue is on the OTHER side of us.

So, a few months ago (after the home being on-the-market for MONTHS) we had new neighbors move in. They were a middle-aged couple and seemed to be making some major renovations, so we were pretty excited. Then, one weekend there were moving trucks - and they were gone. No "for sale" signs, nothing. Just gone. Then, a week later someone else moved in. A middle-aged woman and her teenage daughter.

We met them briefly and the woman seemed harmless (and I'm sure she is), but there is some shady bidness happening over there... She doesn't seem to have a normal job and she dresses a little, um, provocatively. She also seems to have a "sugar daddy" that comes to visit about once or twice per week in his fancy luxury car. Today, there was a mysterious man who had his motorcycle parked out front. We were lucky enough to catch sight of him leaving, dressed in a leather vest with a tank top underneath, tight black jeans and - yes a bandana around his forehead. Hm. I've also seen other unexplained cars there.

Then, we saw her later in the afternoon. Greg, like the wonderful husband he is, was out doing yard work when he suddenly busts through the front door doing only what I could describe as skip-walking saying "You gotta get out here. You gotta come out here and see this. Think of a reason to come to the front yard. You gotta see this. Hurry. Watering can!" And then he was gone.

So of course I run to throw on shoes, grab the watering can (note that I only fill it with about two cups of water) and run outside. So there I am fake watering our plants and I see her in all her glory. Our neighbor is mowing her yard in (deep breath) a hot pink sports bra, super-short jorts, pink cowboy boots and (breathe, just breathe) a pink bandana tied around her face (thus the bandit). She looked like a pink vision out there. She even had on pink underwear, which Greg noted were pulled high enough so you could see them above her jorts. Klassy touch, pink bandit, klassy touch.

Of course, I HAD to creepily snap a pic with my phone (though I'm disappointed to say it didn't turn out well).

In the end, is it possible that she has a normal job? Oh, yes. Is it possible she has multiple innocent male visitors? Quite.

But come on, this shiz is weird. I will continue to closely monitor the situation and keep you updated of any developments. Stand by.

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