Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Rumble in the Hood: 'Merica Weed Epidemic

Guess what time of year it is? dunh.... dunh. dunh. dunh. Oh yeah, that's right.

It's time for our annual HOA meeting. Last year, I totally missed it and was so disappointed! As you may or may not know, we've had some past issues. Mainly that the HOA is all up in our shiz. (Our house is so cute and we take such good care of it that when I get one of those passive-aggressive "warning postcards," I tend to get all MommaBear on their asses. "The tree is fine. That bush looks great. Don't you start bad-mouthing my mailbox. It looks wonderful."

The other main issue? The neighborhood pool doesn't open until after Memorial Day, leaving me with no base tan for May/June weddings. I know, first world problems.

So, when I got the letter for the yearly meeting, well... game on. The hubby had to work late, so it was all up to me. I was fully ready to go in and campaign for an early pool opening, but, um, well it was not what I expected.

Here's why:

1. Chapter - If you were in a sorority or a fraternity, you likely remember chapter meetings. Well, I felt like I was transported back to the good ole G Phi B house for chapter when I walked into the HOA meeting. With all the "Can I get a motion for this" and "heretofor" that and "I'd like to nominate so-in-so for office" When it was time for board elections, I had the strongest urge to get up and snap for my crazy neighbor who was running. "This would be so great for her. She really wants to get involved. She's super-organized, all up in her neighbor's business, would be really devoted..." (said all while snapping enthusiastically above my head). Side note: can we please bring back the sorority snaps?

2.Weeds - A big message of the meeting is that we all need to band together to "Wage the War on Weeds." I'm loving the alliteration. Also, I'm loving that this was easily a 5-7 minute topic. I believe there may have been talk about forming some kind of committee. Pretty sure I avoided eye contact during this time. (Even though I love a good weed-pulling sesh.)

3. Meeting People - As I've chronicled, when you don't have kids, making friends in the suburbs is really hard. When I'm out running, moms at the park at least don't look at me like I'm about to babynap their toddler anymore (I'm choosing to think of this as a win), but I'm still coming up short of a friendly wave. So when I walked into the meeting, I'm immediately looking around for younger people/couples in the hopes that maybe we could score a neighbor friend. I found my target - a young couple sitting together across the room. The guy was running for board and when he made a joke, I laughed really loud. I tried to make eye contact. I smiled extra big when they looked at me and it suddenly occurred to me.... um, was I flirting with them? Oh yes, I think I was. I just found out they live around the corner. This is To. Be. Continued.

4. Be Careful Who You Vote For. I quickly realized why we hadn't recently received a "you're breaking the rules" postcard from the HOA Nazi... Apparently, she moved. Damn. I was still half hoping that the hubby and I would get tipsy one night and venture out to TP her house. No such luck. Well, we had to vote on new board members and (as I mentioned before), my neighbor was running. Since she's rather nosy deeply interested in the neighborhood goings-on, I thought she'd be perfect - and she actually won. Then, it hit me. The "post card" lady lives next door now. EFF!

5. This is 'Merica. Possibly the highlight of the meeting occurred while we were casting our votes for HOA board members. The nice, old community manager guy asked everyone to cast their votes and fill out their information on the ballot. At that point in time, I hear a woman down the row from me exclaim, "Excuh-YUSE me?! I'm not writing my name down on my ballot. This is 'Merica! This is a democracy! You don't have to sign your name when you vote for the president, do you?!" Oh sweet Jesus. It was at this exact moment that I became so happy that I decided to show up. Fantastic entertainment. Delicious people-watching. I pretty much just sat on the back row looking kind of like this:

Oh, and not to bury the lead, but they are projecting the pool will open in early to mid-May. SCORE!

Until next year...

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